Girl Scout Dropout

Archive for January, 2010

I never once considered myself one of those women who would put her career before her family. Not even an option as far as I’m concerned. Family is the number 1 priority. Quite honestly, its the only priority.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I was being permanently switched to working the 3p-3am shift. Those of you that have been my friends for awhile know that I used to love this shift. When my kids were younger. And the age gap between them wasn’t so noticeable.

I wasn’t asked if I wanted to switch. I wasn’t even told. I noticed the change in my schedule and I asked my supervisor. When she said it was a done deal, I broke down. I don’t cry at work. Actually, I try not to cry at work unless I’m locked in the bathroom.

Working pm’s just isn’t working for my family anymore. Now that Taylor is in high school, she likes to do things with friends. Which means she doesn’t need to get picked up until 10pm or sometimes a little later. If I’m working, Travis has to get Seth dressed and take him out. Once that little boy gets his second wind, he doesn’t fall asleep for anything. When I get home at 4 in the morning, he is often still awake waiting for me to get home. Did I mention that he has Pre-K that starts at 9am? I’m sure you can see the problem here.

I asked about switching back to my 3am-3pm shift. I can do it. But it means giving up being a charge nurse.

I didn’t realize just how much that would effect (or affect) me. Sorry Sarah…I’ll never learn that English rule

I really agonized over this decision. Travis and I had several talks. I went to both kids and asked them. Taylor wanted me home, so did Seth. So why is this such a hard decision?

Its because as much as I bitch about the stress and the micromanaging that I’m under. I’m a good charge nurse. My staff loves me. I’m fair when it comes to making assignments, I answer call lights, I do whatever I can to help my team. I make a difference.

I called home last week to say good night. Seth wouldn’t talk to me. I could hear him tell Travis that he was mad at me because I wasn’t home to tuck him in and read his book.

That broke my heart. And it made my decision.

The next day I went into work early and gave my answer. I am no longer going to be a charge nurse. I will go back to floor nursing. I will still make a difference.

I can’t believe I ever had to think twice about this.

School has officially started back up for me again. My first classes started yesterday. I’m pretty sure that I never mentioned that I withdrew from the other school I was attending. I absolutely hated it. Really hated it.

I had a paper or group project due every week. If I had a question about a topic or the assignment, I would email the professor. This school has a 72 hour turnaround time for professors to answer emails. When you have a paper due in 7 days, waiting for 3 days can cause a bit of anxiety. Especially if your answer was a 2 sentence reply that didn’t answer crap. Then I would send a reply. Wait 3 days. Die a little more each day.

So, I did something I have never done before. I quit school. Right in the middle of a class. I contacted the new school I am attending. I asked them if the class I was in would transfer. They said no. I said thank you for giving the best new ever. So I had the whole month of December off.

I cleaned my house from top to bottom. There wasn’t a piece of dog hair to be found anywhere. Each  toy was placed in its proper home every day. I baked Christmas cookies and candy. I had fun with my kids. And most importantly….I wasn’t a bitch! I know. Its a shocker.

I’m on day 2 of this new school. And I love it. I’ve send emails to both professors and have received a reply back in less than 24 hours. I’m currently taking Principles of Economics. This class scares the crap out of me. I haven’t taken a non-science or non-nursing related class in over 8 years. Its like I’m reading a foreign language. I’m also taking Health Information for Nursing. This is about doing research from reputable sites on the internet. Its actually kinda interesting. Also, I don’t have assignments due every week. I actually have time to fully do the readings, participate in the discussions, and LEARN!

I’m excited. Oh, I only have to take 12 classes, then I graduate with my BSN! I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I think I found the school that will help me.

I’m not one to do New Year’s resolutions. Every year I can come up with a handful of them, and I will actively work on them. For about two weeks. Then I stop. Then the guilt sets in. Therefore, I have given up on resolutions.

However, I’m all about self-discovery. And this year I’ve learned  few things about myself and life.

I’ve learned…….

its ok to let kids be kids. They don’t need to be thrown into 15 different extracurricular activities, or be pushed to learn how to count to 50. They are entitled to have a life and enjoy childhood.

its ok to not have the right thing to say all the time. Sometimes all that is needed is a person who cares. It can be even be over the phone or email if distance is an issue.

its ok to doubt yourself. If you didn’t, you would never experience the joy of finishing something or excelling in a class.

its ok to make a complete ass of yourself. Good heavens, I do this on a daily basis. This gives me the opportunity to laugh and to remind myself (and others) that I am a person.

its ok to not like mushrooms. I tried them. Again. I still don’t like them. I’m 99.9% positive that I never will. Its actually a fungus people. A FUNGUS!!! Enough said.

its ok to sing at the top of your lungs in the car. Yes, the person in the car next to you may laugh. But so what? They’re just jealous that they aren’t confident enough to sing. And besides, the car doesn’t care if you can carry a tune.

its ok to have Dairy Queen blizzards for dinner. This is what gets you Mother if the Year nominations.

its ok to make your child do chores. Even when they whine that you’re ruining their life. This is what takes away those Mother of the Year nominations.

its ok to be in a funk at times. Its a natural part of life. Not everything works out perfectly.

its ok to be overwhelmed. Thankfully I have friends that worry about me and are willing to listen. I’ve also learned that they feel overwhelmed a lot, too.

The biggest thing that I’ve learned over this past year is that I love my family and friends. I’m so thankful for each and everyone of them. Without their support, I never would have made it through 2009. I’ve realized that I am lucky. And this year I intend to focus on the positive and the good. Because its there. Its always been there.