Work in Progress
August 17th, 2009 | 
Author: Look who remembered she has a blog! So, what’s been going on lately?
I got approved for my financial aid for school. In fact, I start tomorrow. I’m also scared poopless about this. This is a real university. Not a state community college. I had to order 2 books that are scaring the crap out of me. One is a reference manual on how grammar and punctuation. The other book is all about how to use the APA. I actually had a nightmare about it last night. I’ve more than my share of doubts about this. I’m really beginning to think that I may be over my head on this one.
I turned 35 last week. 35. That’s just a number. It really means nothing. And yet I can’t help but feel like I am a total failure. I had so many plans and dreams for myself when I was younger. Some are even from 10-15 years ago. I’m not the doctor that I had planned on being. I don’t live in Boston. I haven’t traveled the globe. Instead I’m 35 and starting on my BSN. I have a family that depend on me. I’ve never been off of this continent. I live in Wisconsin. Right now I feel as if my life is one gigantic epic fail.
My mom came out to visit the first week of August. We actually had a really good visit. I was so happy to have her here. My kids were beyond excited to have grandma at the house. She left the day after my birthday. I’ve kinda been in a funk ever since. I’m not in my happy place, but I’m not in my dark place.
Work is pretty icky right now. There’s been so many changes going on that the staff are just ornery. And they take it out on the leads. I would treat a person the way some of these nurses treat me and the other leads. I honestly feel as if my job title should Emotional Punching Bag. I also think that I’m getting an ulcer. I’m taking prilosec like candy and popping tums 24/7.
That’s it for now. I have to start blogging regularly again. Its cheaper than therapy.
Posted in Uncategorized
You can do this. We both can do this. The Gregg and APA both scared the ever-loving crap out of me too. It’s going to be okay.
35 isn’t bad, but when I hit 36 I really felt like an old man.
I’m sure you’ll do fine in school.
And Wisconsin isn’t so bad, it’s not like you live in freaking Iowa or something.
.-= Nobody™´s last blog ..The Cow and the Ice Cream =-.
When I move you will come visit me and that will get you out of your funk.
But wait, I don’t move for like 5 months.
I am way excited that you are going to school again.
Oh and APA, hit a sister up if you need help. Seriously, I know that shit. (not like it’s the back of my hand, but I manage.)
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Things I love: Weekend edition. =-.
You will feel better knowing that I’m sitting here going, what the fuck is APA?
Good luck mah Becky – you’re gonna rockstar this shit.
And, like Nobody said, it could be worse….you could live in Iowa….or next door to Sarah. And that would suck because she is moving soon.
And we’re gonna go visit her! ::woot::
.-= Sheila (Charm School Reject)´s last blog ..It’s My Party…. =-.
Becky, My Sweet Friend…
You are going to do amazing at all of this school stuff! And if you need a cheerleader in your corner, you know who you can turn to! (Um, hi?!)
As far as feeling like your life is one big, epic, fail…
Um, I’m sorry… but by whose definition?
You have a beautiful, intelligent, well-adjusted teenaged daughter who isn’t afraid to stand up for herself and tell anyone — including her own father — that “how you’re treating me? Is NOT okay!”
That says self-respect to me. An all too rare affliction these days… especially in young girls.
You have a funny, intelligent, adorable little boy who is going to be a wonderful young man. Because you and Travis are his parents.
Yes, your dreams and plans and goals for your life took a different turn at a young age and you had to move over some of those dreams to make room. But just because you took a different path in the beginning than what you thought you would? Does NOT mean that you are an epic failure.
You’re now at a place in life where you can start moving back onto that original road — but with fifteen years or so of successes, love, and experience to enrich the experience… and make it something valuable that you won’t ever take for granted. Something that may not have been the case when you were younger and believed the world was at your feet.
Now… you know that the world is at your feet if you work for it and fight for it. And even then, sometimes it doesn’t turn out exactly the way you planned.
And yet… every single day is so totally worth it.
I love you… and if you need anything… you’d better not hesitate to call/text me!!!
PS: Do I need to hop on a plane to WI to shank some buttmunchers in the kidney?!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Wedding Plans =) =-.
Happy Birthday … belatedly.
.-= delmer´s last blog ..COMA =-.
Yeah, you came back to us!!! You will survive APA, although I felt for the first entire year of college that I might lose my mind altogether.
C says the same thing, 35 didn’t bother her but 36 has sucked ass!!!
Don’t worry, we all feel like we haven’t done enough. 35 is young. You can start stuff at any age. I know of 80 year olds that have started law degrees.
And why do we feel like crap anyway? Probably because we are comparing to others which will make you feel either only vain or bitter.
Good luck. You’re already a success.
.-= Onadrought´s last blog ..So that’s commitment! =-.
blow them away in school, becky.
stay strong and know that you can FURTHER succeed in life!
keep up that head and push through the scared emotions and dreams.
your subconscious is trying to psyche you out bc of the environment we live in where it isn’t normal to go back to school after a certain age.
just NEVER be afraid to ask for help.
(and be sure to knock down the staff a peg or two in the process of outwitting them with your new degree!)
.-= melissa´s last blog ..a saint =-.
Becky, I definitely agree with you there. Blogging is cheap therapy! I’d hate to have to pay anyone to not listen to me!
It’s very impressive that you’re going back to school and keeping learning. You will be fine! The fact that you’re scared will make you super attentive and trying hard, so don’t worry.
Like someone else said, you should never compare yourself and you have the rest of your life to achieve what you want.
.-= Babycakes´s last blog ..Lady of Leisure =-.
Your life may not be what you thought it would be, but it’s not a failure. You’ve just taken a different path. Most of us do.
I’m so proud of you for taking on this challenge, ever though it frightens you. I was a year older than you when I went back to school. If I can do it, you can! You and I can be Study Buddies now. *G*
.-= Aravis´s last blog ..Spousal Wisdom, or Lack Thereof =-.