Game. Set. Match.
October 19th, 2009 | 
Author: I’ve written this about 100 times in my head. Within the boundaries of my brain, I can make it sound elegant. I can spin it so it doesn’t sound dark, dreary, or scary. But the truth is, I can feel it coming back. I can feel its cold, lifeless hands slowly grasp my neck and start to pull me under.
It starts the same. The stress about money, bills, where to come up with $600 for the down payment the orthodontist needs for Taylor’s braces. Where will the money come from for Christmas? Then, I start thinking about the holidays. Usually I try to work as many as I can. This year, I’m only working Thanksgiving. I have to face the fact that we celebrate holidays alone.
I look around my living room. I can snuggle with my dogs, and my kids. I feel nothing. I feel so empty on the inside. I can smile and put on a show. But on the inside I am crying. On the inside it hurts. I can feel those hands trying to pull me under. I can feel myself trying to struggle to keep breathing. But its hard. And its not new. I will keep breathing.
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Awe Becky, **hugs**
I’m here for you. And that $600 Christmas present you were gonna get me, don’t worry about it this year.
Love ya!!!
Um, dude. We have totally been BBMing for the past two days and you said nothing about this!
I have got to get my head out of my ass more. Sheesh.
::hugs:: Loves you.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Things I love: Ten =-.
Hugs! I have no words of wisdom, no advice… but I get this. I really do.
Many, many hugs.
.-= Fantastagirl´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Tink =-.
Oh honey I’m so sorry you’re feeling this right now – please know that you can call and just vent or talk or cry anytime, OK?
xoxoxo
.-= Princess of the Universe´s last blog ..I Need Advice From the Internet =-.
just take a big breath (don’t forget to exhale! blue isn’t such a beautiful color when your dead.) and take things little bit by little bit.
you’re only human so accept what you can do now and tackle the rest another time.
.-= MissMadHatter´s last blog ..parenting: 101 =-.
I love you mah Becky!!
.-= Sheila (Charm School Reject)´s last blog ..Separation Anxiety =-.
I get you, and I am sending you big hugs!!
And here’s to another Becky, I swear we are everywhere!
Seriously though, I do understand. I keep telling myself that I can’t just lay down and give up, tooooo many people depend on me. Even when I’m tired, and broke, and hurt so bad I don’t know what to do.
.-= Becca´s last blog ..Back to school, yippee! =-.
Yes, you will keep breathing. And before you know it, it will pass. I’m sending you love and good wishes… oh, and courage. One can never have too much of that. <3
.-= Faiqa´s last blog ..Life Is Good =-.
Since I got a new BlackBerry, I’ll need you pin
and also, I’m so very sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I could do something for ya…will an online hug help? *hugs*
.-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..Half A Year =-.