Girl Scout Dropout

I have established in previous posts that I am terrified of spiders. Beyond terrified. More like almost paralyzed, pee in my pants phobic.

I remember this like it was yesterday…it was actually last week Tuesday. This is a true story.

I was backing out of my driveway on my way to pick up Seth from pre-k. I managed to back out of the garage without hitting anything or running over any stray toys in the driveway. I’m also kinda reverse challenged

Anyway, I got onto my street and noticed something kinda flicker in my peripheral vision. I didn’t think much of it. I figured it was either my hair or a shadow moving.

Then, the shadow moved a little more. By now I had only driven a few feet down the street. I actually turned my head to see what was moving.

It was a spider. A big, icky, body as big as my thumb, albino spider.

I slammed on the brakes and screamed like a little schoolgirl. I also thought it was on the outside of my window and figured the ind would blow it off. So, I started driving down the street again.

That fricking spider moved. Again. This is when I realized that icky thing was on the INSIDE of my car! As in 2 inches away from my head. It could, very easily, jump from the window and on me. And then attack me and cover me in icky spider bites.

I’ve seen those spider horror movies. I know what happens. Its gonna try to lay eggs in my and have me be a super human spider baby incubator.

This is when I at in a very calm and rationale manner. I through the car in park, open the door, and jump into the road. The problem? I’m a safe driver and my seat belt was securely fastened. So, I tried to get out of the door while wiggling out of the seat belt.

In hindsight it would’ve played out much better for me if I had actually unbelted, but again. I was trying to save myself from the spider baby infestation. Oh, and I was very calm. If calm means screaming, crying, and literally almost having a heart attack.

It also never occurred to me that I was trying to get out the same door that the spider was on. Its probably a good thing that I didn’t realize that

I also didn’t notice, until I was half out of the car, that it wasn’t in park. I slammed it into reverse.

So now I’m half hanging out the door, one foot on the ground, still semi seatbelted, trying to stop the car. I’m also beyond hysterical by this point.

Thankfully, there was some dude walking his dog. Even more thankfully was the fact that he wasn’t busy laughing his ass off at me and the spectacle I’m sure I was causing. He was nice enough to come over to me and smush the spider. He wanted to flick it off the window and let it go free.

I was all like “oh hell no!”. That thing tried to attack me. Spidey was going down. Besides, what if it didn’t get all the way dead? Then it would just harbor resentment and get really big, then come after me again. Spidey had to be smushed to smithereens.

I owe my life to this dog walking guy. Even though he was laughing as he walked away. Loudly laughing. Whatever.

I don’t like spiders.

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