Girl Scout Dropout

Its been awhile since I’ve posted. Both of my children have had birthdays. My baby girl is now 15. My little man is 5. One is officially signed up to start driver’s ed this summer. One will start kindergarten this fall.

My own classes have been going good. I like this school much more than the other one I attended. I’m actually learning things, and the professors email back with in 24 hours, if not the same afternoon. And assignments aren’t due every week…that’s where the learning comes from. They take time to make sure we understand the content. Only 3 papers per 8 week class. I’m a lot less stressed. Which is always a good thing.

I’ve gotten Taylor sucked into watching “Supernatural”. We joke about that a lot. I think I’ve also completely screwed up her chances of having a love life. She’s convinced that love isn’t real. That all it leads to is  heartache. She thinks its entails a lot of fighting, and that it jut isn’t worth it.

I don’t know if I’ve ever shared that my divorce with her biological father was finalized on her 2nd birthday. I tried to get the court date changed. But it would’ve been another 6 months to get a new date. I couldn’t stand the thought of being legally married to the asshole, so that’s the date I kept. I tried to look at it as the best present I could’ve ever given her…..a chance to start a new life, to really have a chance. I never thought that he would skip out on his responsibilities. And that he would have no use from her.

I see the look on her face when she talks about her boyfriend. Her eyes sparkle. Even when she tells me she’s not sure if she still likes him, her eyes have this sparkle to them. I tell her that its ok to like him. Its ok to care about someone. But she’s so afraid of the hurt. I hate seeing that she’s so guarded and walled off. That breaks my heart. Somehow, I’ve given her false realities about love and relationships. She and I have had talks over the past few nights. She knows how I feel and what I think. She also thinks I’m full of crap when it comes to this.

Changing topics, I’ve just finished reading “Nineteen Minutes” by Jodi Picoult. Its about a school shooting and what lead to it. It was very thought provoking. I cried in more than one part of it. I highly recommend it.

I also just finished spending my Valentine’s Day iTunes gift card. I decided to celebrate my junior high and high school days. I got some Tiffany, Belinda Carlisle, and Debbie Gibson It makes me happy…hehehe.

And that’s about all that’s new with me over the past few weeks. As you can see….boring. And sometimes, that’s ok.

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